You are the sum total of the five people you are closest to.
This could be either great or terrifying news depending
on who you’re spending your time with.
It makes sense, right? We’re social creatures and we tend to adapt to those around us. If the people around us are constantly complaining, we tend to complain more often ourselves. If those people closest to us let their fears prevent them from moving towards their dreams, chances are, we’re also not moving towards our dreams.
If you’ve been spending most of your time with people who tire more than inspire you, have no fear!
You can improve the relationships you have OR bring new, higher quality relationships into your life.
When I first heard that we become the people we spend the most time with, I must admit, I was a bit worried. I was in a romantic relationship with somebody who was content with the status quo, and was noticing the friends I’d been hanging out with were either overly negative or lacking in passion for their lives. In the past, these relationships worked for me, but as I began to change and grow, I yearned for new relationships that reflected who I was becoming.
From reading some self-help materials, I realized that I could be proactive and bring new relationships into my life that would support my well-being. With the right mindset, I could make friends with people who supported and encouraged me in my dreams, who inspired me with their own dreams.
I began repeating a mantra throughout my day:
“New like-minded friends are coming into my life who support and inspire me to be my best self.”
Within a week or two of doing this, I started meeting new people who inspired me. I met two like-minded friends at the same bookstore within a month (in the exact same spot in the store, no less)!
I felt called to attend new classes and events over the next many months, and met dozens of people who I connected with, and who inspired me to be the best version of myself.
I’m going to be honest here. A lot of the time when we meet new people who are on the same wavelength as us, our older relationships that lack this kind of connection fade away.
I tried to improve my romantic relationship, but realized after much effort that we were two very different people with two very different visions of how we wanted to live our lives. Though I loved him very much, I ended things because our relationship felt like a dead weight. From meeting other people who inspired me with their outlook on life and way of being in the world, I realized this was something I absolutely required in a romantic relationship as well. Click here for tips on dealing with breakups.
Similarly, most of my older friendships naturally dropped away. Though on one level I felt sad to lose these friendships, I recognized that those relationships hadn’t felt very fulfilling. I’d been craving a deeper connection with people who shared similar philosophies and priorities in life. Further, I wanted to feel enlivened by the people I spent time with, not struggling to find something to talk about. I wanted to feel inspired and uplifted by my relationships, not drained by somebody else’s negativity or lack of passion for life.
Nowadays, I can’t even keep track of how
many people inspire and support me to be my best self and to live my dreams!
The more inspired and impassioned I become about my life and my work, the more I draw others into my life who are also inspired. The beauty is, when we meet with someone else who is inspired, our own inspiration grows!
Take a moment to consider who your five closest relationships are with.
Take an honest look at each relationship and ask yourself:
♦ “Does this person support and inspire me to be the best version of myself?”
♦ “Would I be happy to be more like this person?”
If your answer to these questions is “No,” you may wish to rethink how often you’re spending time with this person. True, some people in our lives are there by default, such as family members or coworkers, but we do have some choice about how often we see them and in what context.
It’s okay to cultivate relationships with people who are different from you, so long as they are kind and loving relationships. If we wish to experience our most joyful and fulfilling lives possible, however, we MUST create and nurture relationships with people who we would love to be like- with people who ignite and inspire us.
After all, we become like the people we spend the most time with.
Make the choice to nurture relationships that Inspire you, not tire you!
In my blog later this week, I’ll be sharing the telltale signs of Tiring Relationships and Inspiring Relationships, so stay tuned!
Any thoughts, insights, or questions about this blog? I’d love to hear them in the comments below!