Many of us long to feel greater love in our lives,
Sometimes people ask why I’m so positive all the time,
or if I’m hiding something dark about myself or my life.
The answer is, I have to work at being positive and happy, just like everyone else. I’ve had many challenges in life, as many of us have, but rather than focusing on problems, I choose to focus on solutions.
Many people don’t know that I’m a single mom, or that my son has a serious medical condition and special needs. I could easily let this stress the crap out of me and prevent me from following my aspirations (and believe me, it has at times!), but more and more, I’m learning to make the most of this situation and maintain a positive attitude.
To be honest, some days I feel overwhelmed, inadequate, anxious, or downright depressed. But, over the years, with much inner work, learning from others, and experience, I’ve learned to snap out of these states more and more quickly to come back to a place of power.
Life isn’t always easy or fair and some days are straight out difficult… but I have learned to return to a positive and empowered mindset because that is the only place where we can make real positive change in our lives and in others’ lives as well.
As Tony Robbins says, our emotions are valuable and have much to teach us. We don’t want to indulge our emotions, but we do want to notice them and ask what they’re trying to communicate to us.
For example, sometimes when I feel overwhelmed and depressed, and take time to sit with the feeling, I realize it’s because I have been slacking on taking action on something that’s important to me. Or maybe I’ve created some unrealistic expectation of myself in my mind that I need to replace with a more realistic expectation.
I don’t believe in pretending to be happy when I’m not, or ignoring, repressing, or judging my “unpleasant” emotions. I just no longer identify with my unpleasant emotions, and see them as what they are- valuable messages for my learning and growth.
How about you:
♦Have you made a commitment to maintain a positive and empowering mindset about yourself and your life? If not, I highly recommend doing so. This decision is one of the most important decisions we can ever make. The difference between a life rich in joy and fulfillment and a life lacking these things has a LOT to do with our mindset.
♦When challenging emotions come up, do you have tools to help you express and/or move through them in a way that feels healthy and supportive to you? If not, it may be time to reframe your view of your emotions. Instead of viewing them as nuisances or something to be avoided or feared, try seeing them as helpful messengers that hold valuable information for you. Then, when you feel a challenging emotion come up, identify the specific emotion you are feeling. Take a moment to be still and ask your emotion: “Irritation/Overwhelm/Hurt/Etc., what message do you have you for me?” And be sure to follow the guidance that comes!
Would you love some support around creating a more
positive, empowering mindset?
Would you love some guidance around responding to your emotions in a conscious, empowering way?
I would love to assist you however I can. Click here to learn about the various ways I could be of assistance to you.
P.S. Would love to hear how you liked this blog. Please leave your comments below!
We don’t have to let the negative words or actions of others hold us back or bring us down!
A few days ago, I went to a Marketing class with 20 or so other business owners. For part of the class, we broke into small groups of 4 to help each other strategize in our business. When it came my turn my talk about my business, an older man in the group interrupted me to say:
“To be quite frank, I think you’re a bit young and inexperienced
to be doing this work.”
I was quite taken aback by his statement and didn’t really know how to respond, so I pretty much just ignored him and moved on. However, when it was the next person’s turn to talk about their business, my mind started churning. ‘What an asshole!’ it said. ‘Who does he think he is?! Does he have no respect for other people? Does he hate all young women following their dreams!?’
I watched as the thoughts just kept coming: ‘What does he have against me? I feel sorry for his wife… if he has one. What a terrible human being!’
The longer I had these thoughts, the angrier I felt. Angrier than I’ve felt in a long while. Luckily, I have a powerful tool for moment’s like these that can help to diffuse a situation and bring me back to my center. I interrupted my negative thought patterns with a simple, yet powerful question:
“What else could this mean?”
I contemplated this question and came up with a few possibilities.
‘Okay… so if he’s not a complete shit head… maybe he’s had a really rough day or week, and this comment was just a cry for help.’
‘Maybe he had a dream when he was younger that someone else told him he was “too young” or “too inexperienced” for and he was just projecting this onto me.’
I also suspected that he had a complete misconception of the work I do. He may have assumed that a life coach tells other people how to live their lives. He probably didn’t realize that a quality life coach does no such thing, and rather, leads other people to their own answers. Surely, this isn’t something you need to be a certain age to do; it’s more about training and skill.
Once I thought about these other possibilities for his behavior, I felt my angry feelings start to diminish. Asking this question reminded me that this man’s thoughts and words have little if anything to do with me- but everything to do with his own thoughts and feelings about the world. Suddenly, the statement he made to me didn’t feel like a personal attack; rather, it felt like a reflection of his own state of mind.
Apply this to your own life:
Think about a recent time when someone said something to you that felt critical. Did you react how I did at first and make a bunch of assumptions about who they were as a person, or what they intended with their remark? Try asking yourself the question, “What else could this mean?” and see what other possibilities come up.
This is a powerful question that can be used in many different situations to offer us greater clarity and peace of mind. We don’t have to let other people’s words make us feel bad- with a little focus and practice, we can look at their words from a higher perspective and return to our place of power!
Give this tool a try, and let me know how it works for you!
P.S. Would love to hear your comments and feedback in the space below! <3
I sat in stillness yesterday morning and asked my heart for guidance about how to structure my day in the highest way.
What came was the message to ask myself throughout the day: “What does my Mind-Body-Spirit most want and need right now?”
From there, I was to trust the information that came up and take action!
I’ve used this technique before with great success, but never throughout my entire day! I saw this as a fun challenge!
How my day played out:
The first thing I was guided to do was go to a coffee shop and work on a computer project I’ve been putting off for several weeks now. The first couple hours of doing this, I was on fire, but then felt my energy drop. As I noticed this happening, I checked in with myself again.
“Take a break. Get some fresh air. Walk to another coffee shop,” my guidance said.
So I left that first place and went to another location. Sure enough, the walk and the fresh air had lifted my energy again and I was able to work productively for another couple hours. I reached another point where I felt somewhat drained and my guidance told me:
“Go get a healthy dinner and after you eat, finish your work.”
I followed this guidance as well and completed my project, feeling energized and accomplished!
After finishing my work, I was invited by a couple people to do different things, but my mind-body-spirit just wanted to stay in and take it easy. I followed my guidance to go home, do some journalling, and watch a show on Netflix. Mmm… so restorative.
A Smashing Success!
Though my day may not sound all that exciting, it felt magical to me. I went to bed not only feeling accomplished from getting some great work done, but also refreshed and rejuvenated from following my inner guidance all day long!
So often, we just rush from thing to thing without checking in with ourselves to see what we are most wanting and needing. Failing to check in with our deeper feelings is one of the biggest causes of fatigue, depression, and burnout.
The best times to pause and ask ourselves what we are most wanting and needing:
- Between activities
Rather than jump from one thing to the next, try taking a moment between activities to be still and ask yourself what would be the highest use of your time.
Our still voice can guide us in the most effective ways to not only increase our productivity, but also to keep ourselves feeling good!
- When we notice our energy lagging
You are not a victim to your feelings. You have the power to change your thoughts and feelings by choosing what to focus on, and choosing what action to take.
Sometimes we force ourselves to take action when we are starving for rest, and failing to rest hinders us in the long-term, making us less productive and not feeling our best.
Other times, we get into rest mode for too long, failing to take action that can move us closer to our desires and boost our energy.
When we check in with our inner wisdom, we can discern what our body-mind-spirit is most needing, and take the appropriate action!
I’ve learned over the years that when I have a block of free time, it’s HUGELY beneficial to check in with myself to see what is the highest use of my time. Otherwise, I mindlessly jump from one thing to the next, fail to meet my own needs, and don’t get the most from my day.
Checking in with ourselves in this way is a FANTASTIC way to think, act, and live with greater intention. It is also a powerful way to stay connected to our innermost needs and desires.
Whether you have the full day free, an hour, or a moment between activities, you can pause and check in with yourself
to see what your mind-body-spirit is most wanting and needing.
While it may seem like extra work to do this, it’s actually the opposite. Checking in with ourselves allows us to access the wellspring of wisdom within that, when we listen to it, guides us in the most effective, energizing, and joyful ways.
Think of how following this wisdom could benefit you in your own life- in your health and happiness, your work, and your relationships!
I urge you- give this technique a try and see what it can do for you!
After doing this exercise, I would love to hear your experience in the comments below!
Much love, Robyn <3
You are the sum total of the five people you are closest to.
This could be either great or terrifying news depending
on who you’re spending your time with.
It makes sense, right? We’re social creatures and we tend to adapt to those around us. If the people around us are constantly complaining, we tend to complain more often ourselves. If those people closest to us let their fears prevent them from moving towards their dreams, chances are, we’re also not moving towards our dreams.
If you’ve been spending most of your time with people who tire more than inspire you, have no fear!
You can improve the relationships you have OR bring new, higher quality relationships into your life.
When I first heard that we become the people we spend the most time with, I must admit, I was a bit worried. I was in a romantic relationship with somebody who was content with the status quo, and was noticing the friends I’d been hanging out with were either overly negative or lacking in passion for their lives. In the past, these relationships worked for me, but as I began to change and grow, I yearned for new relationships that reflected who I was becoming.
From reading some self-help materials, I realized that I could be proactive and bring new relationships into my life that would support my well-being. With the right mindset, I could make friends with people who supported and encouraged me in my dreams, who inspired me with their own dreams.
I began repeating a mantra throughout my day:
“New like-minded friends are coming into my life who support and inspire me to be my best self.”
Within a week or two of doing this, I started meeting new people who inspired me. I met two like-minded friends at the same bookstore within a month (in the exact same spot in the store, no less)!
I felt called to attend new classes and events over the next many months, and met dozens of people who I connected with, and who inspired me to be the best version of myself.
I’m going to be honest here. A lot of the time when we meet new people who are on the same wavelength as us, our older relationships that lack this kind of connection fade away.
I tried to improve my romantic relationship, but realized after much effort that we were two very different people with two very different visions of how we wanted to live our lives. Though I loved him very much, I ended things because our relationship felt like a dead weight. From meeting other people who inspired me with their outlook on life and way of being in the world, I realized this was something I absolutely required in a romantic relationship as well. Click here for tips on dealing with breakups.
Similarly, most of my older friendships naturally dropped away. Though on one level I felt sad to lose these friendships, I recognized that those relationships hadn’t felt very fulfilling. I’d been craving a deeper connection with people who shared similar philosophies and priorities in life. Further, I wanted to feel enlivened by the people I spent time with, not struggling to find something to talk about. I wanted to feel inspired and uplifted by my relationships, not drained by somebody else’s negativity or lack of passion for life.
Nowadays, I can’t even keep track of how
many people inspire and support me to be my best self and to live my dreams!
The more inspired and impassioned I become about my life and my work, the more I draw others into my life who are also inspired. The beauty is, when we meet with someone else who is inspired, our own inspiration grows!
Take a moment to consider who your five closest relationships are with.
Take an honest look at each relationship and ask yourself:
♦ “Does this person support and inspire me to be the best version of myself?”
♦ “Would I be happy to be more like this person?”
If your answer to these questions is “No,” you may wish to rethink how often you’re spending time with this person. True, some people in our lives are there by default, such as family members or coworkers, but we do have some choice about how often we see them and in what context.
It’s okay to cultivate relationships with people who are different from you, so long as they are kind and loving relationships. If we wish to experience our most joyful and fulfilling lives possible, however, we MUST create and nurture relationships with people who we would love to be like- with people who ignite and inspire us.
After all, we become like the people we spend the most time with.
Make the choice to nurture relationships that Inspire you, not tire you!
In my blog later this week, I’ll be sharing the telltale signs of Tiring Relationships and Inspiring Relationships, so stay tuned!
Any thoughts, insights, or questions about this blog? I’d love to hear them in the comments below!
A month and a half ago,
I broke up with my boyfriend who I was in love with.
We had lots of fun together, he was incredibly supportive of my endeavors, and he treated me like a goddess more than any partner ever has.
‘So why in the hell did you end things with him?!’ You may be wondering.
At the ripe age of 31, I’ve been in and out of many relationships.
I’ve been married and divorced, lived with five partners, and been in four relationships that were 1.5-4 years in length. From the earliest days in each of these relationships, I felt a strong sense that the person wasn’t a great match for me. But… I chose to ignore these feelings until one and a half years, two and a half years, 4 years down the road, when I would finally end things… causing myself and my partner much pain and suffering in the process.
Now, I’m not one for regrets, and am grateful for all of my relationship experiences. Each of my relationships has brought immense learning and growth, along with plenty of love, intimacy, and beautiful memories. However, I realize that in many cases I could have saved myself (and many of my past partners) a LOT of unnecessary confusion and pain had I listened to my inner guidance sooner.
Back to my most recent relationship:
There were red flags from day one- even before our first date.
Yet, I allowed the attraction and chemistry I felt override my wise inner voice.
“This person is not able to be the partner you most need and desire,” my intuition told me. “He’s barely starting to get to know himself and just got out of a toxic relationship.”
“We’ll just see about that!” my rebellious mind shot back.
In the beginning, it was easy to shake off my intuition.
The newness, the excitement, and the strong feelings a new partner brings is powerful. It’s so powerful, in fact, that it can distract us from any reservations or red flags we may be feeling… at least for a while.
For many of us, we can ignore our concerns for months on end, even years. Unfortunately, doing so keeps us disconnected from our true feelings and prevents us from making our relationship better, or leaving a relationship that isn’t serving us.
Fortunately, due to my extensive experience ignoring my intuition in my romantic life, (and the numerous repercussions of that), I caught on fairly quickly this time.
I didn’t wait to end things until my mind was “100% sure that it was time to end things,” or until something really shitty happened. Rather, I ended our relationship when things were going fairly well, because I felt it was the right thing to do. I knew from past experience that listening to my intuition would be the best thing for both me and my boyfriend.
While I sit here today, still loving and missing my ex… I know without a doubt that I made the right decision.
How do I know this?
• Because there’s a feeling of relief, of inner peace, when we follow our inner guidance beneath the pain we may experience on the surface.
• Because I have 16 years worth of proof that my intuition is incredibly accurate, and following it ALWAYS turns out to benefit both me and the other person, (even if it’s not obvious at first).
• Because every time I have followed my inner guidance (even when it feels so hard I have to force myself), I’m always, always, ALWAYS glad I did.
How about you??
♥ Think of a time when you didn’t listen to your intuition about a big decision in your life.
How did that play out?
♥ Now think of a time when you did listen to your intuition about a big life decision.
How did that turn out?
When we’re committed to living our heart’s truth, sometimes we’re required to do things that are very difficult. But in the end, the more we follow our highest path, the more joyful, authentic, and fulfilling our lives become!
Here’s to listening to our inner guidance, (even with it’s hard), today and every day!
I’ve often heard it said that our environment affects how we feel, but I didn’t know how true that was until a couple of weeks ago.
The last few months of my life have been incredible in so many ways. I threw a successful Book Release Party for my first published book, went to a Women’s Business Retreat with some badass and incredible women who deeply inspire me, and attended a phenomenal Hay House conference where I was one of the few participants chosen to give a speech to the 150+ participants that were there.
All great things! However, as I set my primary focus on my book and my business, I gradually let some things in my personal life slip…
For starters, my bedroom had become a disaster.. my floor had become the living space for dozens of my newly published books, decorations and other items from my book party, clothes, notebooks and worksheets from the events I’d gone to, unfolded laundry… you get the picture.
I felt a cloud of heaviness come over me every time I walked into my room, but I was so focused on “getting things done” in my business that I brushed it off, time and again.
“I’ll get around to it later when I have more time,” I’d say to myself.
In addition to letting my house get messy, I fell out of my daily habit of journaling and meditation.
I was noticeably feeling more anxious and less grounded, but I brushed this off too.
“I’ll get back to these things when I have more time,” I told myself.
This last one is the hardest to admit, but it’s important to speak to because it’s a very real thing that happens when we are in go-go-go mode and don’t take the time to slow down.
I wasn’t spending as much time with my son, and during the time we were spending together, it was difficult for me to be fully present with him. My mind was distracted by the work I “should be doing,” and by the clutter piling up in our home.
“I’ll make it up to him when I have more time,” went my mind.
Notice a theme here?
One day, after going from meeting to meeting to errand to errand, I realized I’d had enough. I felt sad, overwhelmed, and like I was losing control of myself and my life. I felt like I wanted to crawl into a hole and do absolutely nothing for the next few days… or weeks… or… ?
In a moment of near-panic, I remembered a tool I often use to tap into my inner guidance.
I put my hand over my heart, took some deep full-body breaths, and asked myself what I most needed to do to get back to a place of peace and balance.
“Go home and clean,” the voice said. And that’s precisely what I did.
Over the next few days, I cleaned, organized, and cleaned some more. I didn’t just tackle my own bedroom (which I currently use to do much of my work as well), I cleaned my kitchen, dining area, living room, and *gulp* even my 8 year old son’s room.
As soon as I got started on this, I began to feel a sense of power and control over my life again. And the good feelings grew as I tackled each area of my house.
I felt a huge weight lifted from my mind, body, and spirit. Suddenly, my mind felt clear and I was able to focus on tasks and challenges that had felt too confusing or overwhelming before.
I didn’t realize it at the time, but my hectic living and work space were actually preventing me from being still, making it near impossible to meditate or be present with myself or my son.
Once I cleared my space, my mind, body, and spirit were able to relax more deeply than I had in a long time. I was suddenly able to fully enjoy the present moment again..
Returning to a still place within, swarms of inner guidance started coming through that had been clogged up before, from which I’ve been gleaning much insight and making positive life changes.
Rather than letting this incident of “falling off the wagon” make me feel bad or hold me back, I choose to see this experience as a lesson.
I am now more determined than EVER to keep a clean and organized living and work space, because I have seen what a difference it makes to the quality of my life!!
What about you?
Do you have an area of your home or work space that could stand to be cleaned or organized?
Chances are, if you have clutter and disorganization in your physical environment, it’s affecting your mind, body, and spirit negatively on some level… and perhaps affecting your work and relationships as it did mine.
Notice how you feel as you start tackling that clutter!
to create ripe conditions for a clear, peaceful mind.
From Excitement to Anxiety
For the past few months, I have felt super pumped about finishing/publishing my book, and having a big book release party. As I’m getting closer to my book’s release and my release party, I’ve been noticing feelings of anxiety building up.
So what’s the deal?
In the past when I would work on a project and the inevitable feeling of anxiety would present itself, I would interpret it as a sign that I wasn’t cut out for what I was doing and throw in the towel.
‘Goodbye dream number 37. Guess that one wasn’t meant to work out either…’
Nowadays I have a very different interpretation of anxiety. With the help of reflection, journaling, my amazing business coach (Britt Bolnick), and many other wise teachers, I finally understand what anxiety is all about, and how to press on despite its uncomfortable nature.
Anxiety, like any other emotion we experience, has messages for us.
Much of the time, anxiety does not come up to derail us on our path, but to help us grow stronger in our determination to succeed. Feeling anxious about a project that started out feeling exciting and inspiring? If so, the message your anxiety is sending you is probably something like,
“This is an exciting, new thing you are doing. You care a lot about this. You are afraid you’re going to fail, make a fool of yourself, or not measure up to your own or someone else’s standards,” or whatever else your fears may be.
When we’re embarking on something new, it is completely normal for anxiety to come up along with doubts and fears. Doubts and fears like:
“But what if this turns our terribly?” “What if I’m just not cut out for this?” “What if everyone thinks I’m a fraud?”
The way to overcome our anxiety, doubts, and fears is not to stop having them, but rather, to respond to them in a conscious way.
The first step of overcoming our anxieties is the simple act of noticing their presence. Once we notice them, we can remind ourselves that it is normal to feel anxiety when we’re doing new things, putting ourselves out there, and stepping beyond our comfort zone.
Once we acknowledge our anxiety, we can take a moment to be still and ask ourselves what messages it has for us. Do we truly wish to stop what we are doing, or do we just care a whole lot about what we’re doing and fear things not turning out how we want them to?
In the end, we must choose to press on despite our anxiety, despite our fears and our doubts.
We may not be able to prevent ourselves from feeling anxious, but we do have the power to choose how to respond to our anxious feelings. I used to let my anxiety rule me, quitting whatever project I was working on and telling myself it was for my own good. Though this may have alleviated my anxiety in the short-term, it robbed me of confidence and fulfillment in the long-term.
If you’re experiencing anxiety about something in your life, ask yourself:
- What message(s) does my anxiety have for me? (i.e. what thoughts or circumstances contribute to this feeling?
- Is there fear behind this anxiety? If so, of what?
- Did this activity used to bring feelings of passion, fulfillment, and joy? If so, when did these feelings stop? What does that tell me?
- What is the worst thing that could happen if I continued pursuing this?
- What is the worst thing that could happen if I stopped pursuing this?
After answering these questions, decide whether or not you want to continue on the path you are on, or whether you need to make some tweaks. Making a change in your life course is totally fine, so long as you are doing it for the right reasons. (i.e. to be true to yourself, to learn and grow, to follow your highest inspirations and inner guidance.
Whatever you do, don’t let your anxieties and fears stop you in your tracks without getting to the bottom of them!
Anxiety is not a bad or a rare thing. It is a normal human emotion and many of us experience it regularly- especially when we are pushing ourselves out of our comfort zones and doing things that really matter to us. After all, if it didn’t matter, why would we worry about it?
At the end of the day, the more we push ourselves out of our comfort zones, the greater our potential for learning, growth, and fulfillment.
Instead of hating or hiding from your anxiety, make it a friend and learn the lessons it has to share with you. Your life will be all the more fulfilling for it!!
One of my pet peeves has been walking through the old port when someone is walking ahead of me, smoking.. I choose not to smoke and am not a huge fan of the secondhand fumes, and used to feel pretty pissed off about it.
When this would happen, I would think things like: “they really shouldn’t be endangering other people’s health like this!” “it’s not fair that those of us who choose not to smoke should have to be exposed to cigarette fumes,” or “they are so inconsiderate!”
While there may be some truth in the thoughts I shared, I’ve learned there is a much higher truth to be considered.
Looking at this situation from the highest perspective, I see that these folks are not intentionally trying to harm other people, and when it comes down to it, they are by far causing the most harm to themselves.
Why would anyone willingly cause themself this harm?
While there’s no simple one-size-fits-all answer, at the root, there is some kind of inner struggle or imbalance at work, and my judgement or negative thoughts are not helping the person, situation, or myself.
Instead of judging the person smoking in front of me, I can choose to walk around the person or cross the street if I don’t want to be exposed to the fumes.
Most importantly, I can choose to be compassionate to those who smoke- recognizing that they, like all of us, are doing the best they can, and would benefit more from loving, kind energy from me rather than judging or negative energy.
It’s now a practice of mine to send love and positive vibes to people who are smoking (or engaging in any kind of hazardous behavior), because we’re all together in this human experience.
When I judge or send negative energy to one person, I send it out to all people, myself included. Likewise, when I put out loving, positive thoughts, it goes out to all people, including myself and the person who may have triggered me.
Each and every one of us has the need for love, support, and a sense of belonging. I contribute to helping others experience these things when I choose loving, positive thoughts rather than irritation and judgment.
Think about your own pet peeves:
What is the highest perspective of this person or situation beyond what your mind finds irritating?
Are there ways you can respond to the people or situations with less judgment and greater kindness and love?
As we respond to the people and situations around us with kindness and love rather than judgment and irritation, we are the positive change this world so desperately needs.
May we send love and good thoughts to the people who trigger us, to the situations that frustrate us, and to all beings everywhere.
This, my friends, is the Love Revolution. ❤️❤️❤️✨✨✨